Our Adoption Story - Part One
Disclaimer: it's taken me months to write this, because it's so personal and it's emotional. But it is National Adoption Month and I want people to know that while it is an emotionally charged roller coaster, it is so worthwhile. If there's a chance that you're interested in pursuing adoption, do some research - there are so many resources out there. XO
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If you've been reading this blog, then you know that we made the decision to pursue adoption in late 2012. And, if you've been reading Tank's blog, then you know that we were placed in early 2013. We had a couple "calls" in early 2013, including a "go to the hospital to pick up a baby" call. I cannot even begin to explain the crazy, wonderful ride we've had since we were placed on April 1st - yes, April Fool's day. :)
I know how much I appreciated reading other adoption stories when we started the process and I am so completely stoked to put our story (so far) out there. I'm not going to lie, adoption is a scary, intimidating, wonderful, and possibly heart-breaking process. Then you're placed with a child and you get to feel that way for the rest of your life! :) All adoption stories are different and have varying time lines - this is just our story.
Early November 2012 - Workshop
After contacting Catholic Social Services (CSS) in 2011 and missing all of their three day workshops because of work conflicts, we were able to attend one the first weekend in November 2012. I remember this, because my husband (ever the funny guy) made the comment that we would have a new president by "next week". Um yeah...leave it to a redneck. :) The three day workshop is a requirement to pursue adoption with CSS and we are SO GLAD that we attended. It is three days of stories, the process, worst case scenarios, cultural considerations, waiting periods, "changes of heart", and a panel forum from adoptive parents, adopted children, and birth mothers. We LOVED the ladies from CSS and really appreciated the manner in which they presented. CSS has an infant adoption program within Alaska, as well as an international program.
After three days, we left the workshop wowed with a "this is possible, but scary" mentality. And after waiting the allotted two weeks to request paperwork, we contacted them to pursue infant adoption in Alaska.
Mid November 2012 - Mountains of Paperwork
Holy smokes, this is intimidating - no, beyond intimidating. We were sent the packet of paperwork and I think we may have just stared at it for a day or two. The easiest part was going to get fingerprinted for the FBI and state criminal background check. The rest was daunting and was going to require a lot of serious thought and inner "soul-searching", if you will. Answering questions about your background, relationships with family, and how you were raised are pretty easy. But discussing how you will discipline your future-imaginary-child are not so easy. It's kind of a "do I give you the answer you want to hear" kind of thing or a brutally honest, "I'm not sure, but I plan to raise independent, respectful children..." kind of answer.
About a week into the mountain o' paperwork, we got a call that started with a "this is really unorthodox*, but"...it was a chance to have us thrown into the mix (shown to a family) before we were actually through the process. This call lit a fire under our butts to get moving on the forms. It also gave us an enormous sense of possibility...was it really possible that we could be placed with a child that we had been wishing for? We talked and wrote throughout the next few days and finished up our "application" (read eighty two pages of "us"). *For this particular case, we were "shown" to potential birth parents, but they chose another route.
January/February 2013
Now that our paperwork was complete, we were able to begin the home study process. We weren't exactly sure how to prepare, as in; "is the house clean enough", "will Tank hump our social worker's leg", or "what if they don't like us". I'm sure these are normal worries, but we were lucky enough to have a social worker that presented at the CSS workshop. She already knew that we were jokesters and had some quirks. :) We had our home study visits throughout the month of January and we were approved by mid-February. We really enjoy our social worker and I think she got a kick out of our not-so-serious household. In fact, she still teases el husbando about his excessive vacuuming and my secret room of hoarded craft supplies - our home study reflects both of these. :)
During the home study time, we received another call requesting to show our "portfolio"...which we hadn't done yet. But, we provided photos and bios of our family to show them. We had a meeting scheduled with a birth mom...we were en route to the meeting when it was "called off". We were bummed out and found ourselves feeling like it would never happen for us. Apparently we were forgetting that we weren't technically in the pool yet and we had no room to be impatient. :)
March 2013
We received a couple more "can we show your portfolio, here are the details" calls in the middle of March and one follow-up call of: "come to the hospital to pick up a baby". And of course...upon arriving home to get the diaper bag, we received the "oh no, there's been a change of heart" call. Again, the giant emotional high and then the low were sending us into a little bit of a tizzy. Instead of moping about it, we stopped in to discuss the roller coaster ride with our social worker. She asked us if we would like to speak at the March workshop on the adoptive parents panel. We kind of laughed, because all we could talk about was the ride...she thought that would be great. :) Mid-March we spoke on the panel and enjoyed it...we mostly just discussed the ups and downs of our process. At one point, they asked us how we were dealing with the process and el husbando responded that he vacuumed and kicked the dog (only half true). *I'm not kidding, he really does vacuum everyday...sometimes twice a day.
April 1, 2013
There we were, just minding our own business...maybe even commenting that we hadn't heard from CSS in a few weeks. We had a trip to Arizona scheduled for April 3rd, so while we were packing up our golf clubs and sunny weather gear...BOOM, it happened. No kidding, we received a call at 10AM on April 1st asking if they could show our portfolio in Fairbanks. They gave us the details and with all of the other calls, we said yes. There's a feeling when you get these calls...it's euphoric and tense. Your head is spinning and you're not sure what to do with yourself in that time.
At 1PM, our social worker (SW) called back:
SW: "tell {el husbando} that he needs to change his opinion of my calls, because you need to fly to Fairbanks and pick up your little girl."
Me: Silence. I quietly whispered, "are you serious?"...and I may have started crying**. (I can't remember now, but I know I'm crying as I write this.)
SW: "Yes. Call {SW in FAI} and coordinate a time to meet tonight."
Me: "You're serious?"
SW: "Yes, call me if you have any issues."
Me (whispering): "So, you're not going to call me in the middle of the flight with a change of plans?"
SW: "No, go!" I could hear her smiling as she said this.
The next few hours were a blur - I called the social worker in Fairbanks (she's a saint) and arranged for a meeting time at the hospital. I quickly booked tickets for the short one hour flight, texted Aunt Sarah (and aunties Pong and Ape), and headed home to get the "baby stuff". On the way, I called my folks to let them know that we were on our way to pick up a baby. They were excited, but nervous for us. About an hour after that call, my Mom called back and asked if I was joking, since it was April Fool's Day. I assured her that I would never pull a prank of that magnitude. :) Then I called my brother to let him know that we planned to name the little girl after him, he said "oh, why would you do that?" He was probably imagining the nicknames we made up for him as a kiddo. :)
**Disclaimer...I am NOT a crier. Never have been, perhaps because I've always thought I was the "tough" older sister? Not sure why...but at any rate, motherhood has turned me into a pretty big sap.
So, imagine two chickens running around with their heads cut off...we were worse. We were hollering down the hall to each other and poor Tank is following me around looking a little freaked out. We suddenly realize that we have NO IDEA WHAT WE ARE DOING! We finally look at each other and say, "breathe". :) Halfway to the airport, we realize that we didn't call anyone to take care of Tank...Aunt Sarah to the rescue!
Airport Debacle
Our friend, Ben picks us up at the airport and rushes us to hospital - we have limited time to meet with SW before she has another meeting (hence the reason we didn't check the giant car seat and base). We meet SW on the first floor and she is so sweet...very mellow to our complete panic. She maneuvers us to the elevator and I remember my stomach swirling in anticipation, still wondering if a ball is going to drop and this is not real. We arrive at the pediatric floor and walk to the nurse's station. It's surreal...SW introduces us to Courtney, our nurse. We all shake hands and she casually turns around to a rolling bassinet. "And, here's your baby", she says. Our mouths drop open and we just stare. Courtney, gently says, "let's take you to your room."
It was all over from there, folks...we were in a trance. Courtney hands the baby to me...I'm speechless as I stare at this perfect little baby girl. She's tiny and she's scowling in her sleep. All I can do is stare at her...speechless. Then I hand her off to Daddy and she looks even more tiny in his arms. We're immediately enamored, but still kind of lost as to what we are supposed to do next - is this real? SW explains that baby was born the previous day, on Easter Sunday and is healthy - weighing in at 6 pounds, 11 ounces and 19.5" long. She gives us the back story and answers our questions. I would imagine that we were still shell-shocked at this point, so she offers to come back after her evening meeting and leaves us with our new baby. OUR BABY.
But before she is really "our baby", there is a big mountain of time and paperwork to get through. While we worked through all of that, our ONLY job was to bond with this precious little creature that had been entrusted to us. We knew that the next 10 days, 25 days, 180 days could be the most heart-wrenching days of our entire lives.
These are photos from our first 24 hours with our little girl. We have held these photos so close to our heart because of the waiting period and the unknowns. She was so tiny and wrinkled...and yep, she was born with that scowl. :)
______________________________________________________________________
If you've been reading this blog, then you know that we made the decision to pursue adoption in late 2012. And, if you've been reading Tank's blog, then you know that we were placed in early 2013. We had a couple "calls" in early 2013, including a "go to the hospital to pick up a baby" call. I cannot even begin to explain the crazy, wonderful ride we've had since we were placed on April 1st - yes, April Fool's day. :)
I know how much I appreciated reading other adoption stories when we started the process and I am so completely stoked to put our story (so far) out there. I'm not going to lie, adoption is a scary, intimidating, wonderful, and possibly heart-breaking process. Then you're placed with a child and you get to feel that way for the rest of your life! :) All adoption stories are different and have varying time lines - this is just our story.
Early November 2012 - Workshop
After contacting Catholic Social Services (CSS) in 2011 and missing all of their three day workshops because of work conflicts, we were able to attend one the first weekend in November 2012. I remember this, because my husband (ever the funny guy) made the comment that we would have a new president by "next week". Um yeah...leave it to a redneck. :) The three day workshop is a requirement to pursue adoption with CSS and we are SO GLAD that we attended. It is three days of stories, the process, worst case scenarios, cultural considerations, waiting periods, "changes of heart", and a panel forum from adoptive parents, adopted children, and birth mothers. We LOVED the ladies from CSS and really appreciated the manner in which they presented. CSS has an infant adoption program within Alaska, as well as an international program.
After three days, we left the workshop wowed with a "this is possible, but scary" mentality. And after waiting the allotted two weeks to request paperwork, we contacted them to pursue infant adoption in Alaska.
Mid November 2012 - Mountains of Paperwork
Holy smokes, this is intimidating - no, beyond intimidating. We were sent the packet of paperwork and I think we may have just stared at it for a day or two. The easiest part was going to get fingerprinted for the FBI and state criminal background check. The rest was daunting and was going to require a lot of serious thought and inner "soul-searching", if you will. Answering questions about your background, relationships with family, and how you were raised are pretty easy. But discussing how you will discipline your future-imaginary-child are not so easy. It's kind of a "do I give you the answer you want to hear" kind of thing or a brutally honest, "I'm not sure, but I plan to raise independent, respectful children..." kind of answer.
About a week into the mountain o' paperwork, we got a call that started with a "this is really unorthodox*, but"...it was a chance to have us thrown into the mix (shown to a family) before we were actually through the process. This call lit a fire under our butts to get moving on the forms. It also gave us an enormous sense of possibility...was it really possible that we could be placed with a child that we had been wishing for? We talked and wrote throughout the next few days and finished up our "application" (read eighty two pages of "us"). *For this particular case, we were "shown" to potential birth parents, but they chose another route.
January/February 2013
Now that our paperwork was complete, we were able to begin the home study process. We weren't exactly sure how to prepare, as in; "is the house clean enough", "will Tank hump our social worker's leg", or "what if they don't like us". I'm sure these are normal worries, but we were lucky enough to have a social worker that presented at the CSS workshop. She already knew that we were jokesters and had some quirks. :) We had our home study visits throughout the month of January and we were approved by mid-February. We really enjoy our social worker and I think she got a kick out of our not-so-serious household. In fact, she still teases el husbando about his excessive vacuuming and my secret room of hoarded craft supplies - our home study reflects both of these. :)
During the home study time, we received another call requesting to show our "portfolio"...which we hadn't done yet. But, we provided photos and bios of our family to show them. We had a meeting scheduled with a birth mom...we were en route to the meeting when it was "called off". We were bummed out and found ourselves feeling like it would never happen for us. Apparently we were forgetting that we weren't technically in the pool yet and we had no room to be impatient. :)
March 2013
We received a couple more "can we show your portfolio, here are the details" calls in the middle of March and one follow-up call of: "come to the hospital to pick up a baby". And of course...upon arriving home to get the diaper bag, we received the "oh no, there's been a change of heart" call. Again, the giant emotional high and then the low were sending us into a little bit of a tizzy. Instead of moping about it, we stopped in to discuss the roller coaster ride with our social worker. She asked us if we would like to speak at the March workshop on the adoptive parents panel. We kind of laughed, because all we could talk about was the ride...she thought that would be great. :) Mid-March we spoke on the panel and enjoyed it...we mostly just discussed the ups and downs of our process. At one point, they asked us how we were dealing with the process and el husbando responded that he vacuumed and kicked the dog (only half true). *I'm not kidding, he really does vacuum everyday...sometimes twice a day.
April 1, 2013
There we were, just minding our own business...maybe even commenting that we hadn't heard from CSS in a few weeks. We had a trip to Arizona scheduled for April 3rd, so while we were packing up our golf clubs and sunny weather gear...BOOM, it happened. No kidding, we received a call at 10AM on April 1st asking if they could show our portfolio in Fairbanks. They gave us the details and with all of the other calls, we said yes. There's a feeling when you get these calls...it's euphoric and tense. Your head is spinning and you're not sure what to do with yourself in that time.
At 1PM, our social worker (SW) called back:
SW: "tell {el husbando} that he needs to change his opinion of my calls, because you need to fly to Fairbanks and pick up your little girl."
Me: Silence. I quietly whispered, "are you serious?"...and I may have started crying**. (I can't remember now, but I know I'm crying as I write this.)
SW: "Yes. Call {SW in FAI} and coordinate a time to meet tonight."
Me: "You're serious?"
SW: "Yes, call me if you have any issues."
Me (whispering): "So, you're not going to call me in the middle of the flight with a change of plans?"
SW: "No, go!" I could hear her smiling as she said this.
The next few hours were a blur - I called the social worker in Fairbanks (she's a saint) and arranged for a meeting time at the hospital. I quickly booked tickets for the short one hour flight, texted Aunt Sarah (and aunties Pong and Ape), and headed home to get the "baby stuff". On the way, I called my folks to let them know that we were on our way to pick up a baby. They were excited, but nervous for us. About an hour after that call, my Mom called back and asked if I was joking, since it was April Fool's Day. I assured her that I would never pull a prank of that magnitude. :) Then I called my brother to let him know that we planned to name the little girl after him, he said "oh, why would you do that?" He was probably imagining the nicknames we made up for him as a kiddo. :)
**Disclaimer...I am NOT a crier. Never have been, perhaps because I've always thought I was the "tough" older sister? Not sure why...but at any rate, motherhood has turned me into a pretty big sap.
So, imagine two chickens running around with their heads cut off...we were worse. We were hollering down the hall to each other and poor Tank is following me around looking a little freaked out. We suddenly realize that we have NO IDEA WHAT WE ARE DOING! We finally look at each other and say, "breathe". :) Halfway to the airport, we realize that we didn't call anyone to take care of Tank...Aunt Sarah to the rescue!
Airport Debacle
- El husbando pulls into the parking lot and rams his truck into the concrete pony wall. We both look at each other and sigh with relief that the airbags didn't deploy.
- El husbando takes work boots off and throws on the conveyor belt at security...they end up getting caught up with empty car seat and base...jamming the entire thing. We straighten that out, while they look at us like crazies for having an empty car seat on the conveyor.
- They pull me and my diaper bag aside...
Security: "You can't have this many bottles of liquid formula".
Me, frantically: "I'm sorry...they just called us and told us to fly to FAI to pick up a baby we're hoping to adopt...I have no idea what I'm doing".
Security: "OMG! That is so wonderful, we would hug you if we could. Go, go, go!"
Me: "Thank you, thank you!" - As we're scurrying away, security folks: "Somebody left a tool behind." We turn around and el husbando had left a 12" wrench on the conveyor belt at security. Oops. They hand it off and we run to gate.
- Buckle in on airplane and stare at each other. Shock, we're in shock. Then we laugh, because we are complete goofballs.
 |
| Shell-shocked Dad-to-be with the empty car seat |
It was all over from there, folks...we were in a trance. Courtney hands the baby to me...I'm speechless as I stare at this perfect little baby girl. She's tiny and she's scowling in her sleep. All I can do is stare at her...speechless. Then I hand her off to Daddy and she looks even more tiny in his arms. We're immediately enamored, but still kind of lost as to what we are supposed to do next - is this real? SW explains that baby was born the previous day, on Easter Sunday and is healthy - weighing in at 6 pounds, 11 ounces and 19.5" long. She gives us the back story and answers our questions. I would imagine that we were still shell-shocked at this point, so she offers to come back after her evening meeting and leaves us with our new baby. OUR BABY.
But before she is really "our baby", there is a big mountain of time and paperwork to get through. While we worked through all of that, our ONLY job was to bond with this precious little creature that had been entrusted to us. We knew that the next 10 days, 25 days, 180 days could be the most heart-wrenching days of our entire lives.
These are photos from our first 24 hours with our little girl. We have held these photos so close to our heart because of the waiting period and the unknowns. She was so tiny and wrinkled...and yep, she was born with that scowl. :)
...stay tuned for Part 2.
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Before Part One - there was this.
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