It's A Peanut!

It’s a lovely afternoon, the sun is shining through the windows and we're relaxing in the living room. Pickle is sitting on the floor talking to Deuce and putting her “baby” doll to sleep. She stops talking and is looking at Deuce…specifically at Deuce’s nether region. Shit. His red rocket is out and I can see her studying it. Shit. She’s about to ask me. My mind is whirling…what do we say here again? Besides, “DEUCE, put that AWAY!”. Too late.

Pickle: “What is that?”

Me: “Um, that is Deuce’s penis.” (why do I sound like a second grade teacher?)

Pickle: Grabs her vagina and says “oh”.

Me: Trying desperately not to laugh…”yes, your vagina is your private part – just like his penis is his private part. And we don’t let anyone touch our private parts.” (omg, I sound like my mom)

Pickle: Giggling and still grabbing her vagina. “Okay.” And she moves back to playing.

Me: muttering to myself, “WTF, where is the vodker?”

A few hours later, Daddy arrives home from batting practice…unaware of our earlier conversation. Pickle plops down next to him on the couch and smiles…

Pickle: “Daddy, you have a peanut like Deuce!”

Daddy: blank stare, then looks pointedly at me.

Me: laughing hysterically

Daddy: “What?”

Pickle: “Yeah, you have a peanut!”

Me: still laughing hysterically – “yeah, you and Deuce have ‘peanuts’ and Pickle and I have vaginas.”

Daddy: “I’m going to go clean the garage.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m not ready for these conversations either.” But at least I don’t have a peanut.

I don’t know about you, but my parents had this HORRIBLY awful book for us when we were kids…”Where Did I Come From?”. Here’s a snippet. I still have nightmares over the bathtub illustration. I wish the “Little Einsteins” made a version…